i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
