We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
