Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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