On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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