There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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