you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He felt like a one man threesome
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
