I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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