Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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