its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
