My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
