Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You are a genius and a whore.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize