just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
