Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
