When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize