We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
