i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
