he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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