she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
