): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
