Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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