I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
