so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
