Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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