I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
