Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
