I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
