Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
