If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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