And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
