So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
