I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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