Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
