There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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