i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
