Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
