Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
