i jhust puked up my retainher.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
