I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
