Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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