i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
