you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
