OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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