I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
