I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
