I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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