Me too!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
two words...techno handjob
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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