literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize