And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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