I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
