first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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