the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize