I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
