I'm really into asian looking animals
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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