He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
