Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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