Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
