cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You took a bar mat shot.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
