I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
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He uses pillows to masturbate.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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