I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
