Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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