Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.