No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my shit smells like andre
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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