i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
