I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.