The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?