if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
