Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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