Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
