It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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