Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
