He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
